Perspective or A View from the Floor

In an effort to save money and «live like no one else» the hubby and I have been couponing.Alright, I’ve been couponing and the husband has been staring, amazed, as I get dish soap and deodorant for free.On Monday, thinking I was being the «early bird,» Inigo and I traveled to Kroger and, armed with my ma*sive expandable three ring binder filled with little snippets of savings, we searched for the elusive free Gillette bodywash.What we found, instead, was an empty shelf.TWO Krogers and ONE Walmart (they price match) later, I realized someone else had beaten me to the punch.In 24 hours the entire Columbia metropolitan area was sold out of Gillette body wash, for which I had a coupon that would make it FREE.Normally, I would gladly go get a raincheck and be on my merry way, but the coupon expired today, which only gave me three days to get my hands on the stuff.I came home and sulked.My husband kissed my forehead (a very unusual thing for him) when he came home and reminded me that he still had 4 bottles of bodywash from the last haul I scored.True, very true.«But you’re missing the point,» I whined.«Someone cleared the shelves at ALL the stores.That’s just downright ridiculous.I just wanted four bottles.» As soon as the words came out of my mouth, the absurdity of the situation dawned on me.We were cutting back.Saving money.There would be more coupons in the next paper.There would be another sale in six weeks or so.Cue the deep breath.This saving money stuff was supposed to reduce stress, not add to it.So we’d use plain old Irish Spring bar soap, which I have an industrial supply of from the old house.Big deal.So I approached my shopping with a new grain of wisdom.I would purchase what I needed and maybe a little extra to hold us over.I wouldn’t clear the shelf.I wouldn’t be a glutton.I didn’t need a stockpile.And I certainly didn’t want to purchase things we didn’t eat or use on a daily basis simply because «I had a coupon.» I needed to be smart about this.

So this morning, I went to Publix bright and early.There was only a handful of things I needed.They were having a B1G1 sale on some condiments we used pretty regularly and BBQ sauce for 70 cents and pickles for 39 cents is a big deal in our house.I picked up four of each and headed to the checkout, when I remembered that this Friday is Joaquin’s day to bring snack for all his cla*smates.So back I went into the juice aisle, to grab two boxes of drink pouches.I was just about to grab for the second box, when I felt nauseated.I tried to remember what I had eaten for breakfast.And I didВ  eat breakfast (as many would ask later in the day).A bagel.I had three gla*ses of water (unusual for me, so I should have known something was up).As I ruminated on the contents of my stomach, I was inching my way towards the restrooms.I don’t like to vomit in public and I certainly didn’t want to create a scene.Nausea suddenly became a cold sweat.My upper lip was damp and I was shaking horribly.I could barely keep my hands anchored to the cart.(Thankfully Inigo was blissfully unaware of all this as he read a little board book I had brought along for him and pointed out all the letters of the products in the aisle).Before I could find a place to sit down, my knees buckled and I crumpled to the floor in a faint that would have made Scarlett pea green with envy.

At this point I should mention I have only ever fainted once in my life.I was in the safety of my own home and had been sick with the flu.I was dehydrated and my blood pressure had dropped so rapidly I simply swooned.Some fluids in the doctor’s office and I was back to my usual self.

The managers rushed over and maneuvered me to a bench.Three grown men fussed over me.The checkout girl (who has become quite friendly with my little Inigo) took my cart and the kid.The bagger (an elderly man who had asked if I would donate my expired coupons to the American Legion), ran to get me a gla*s of water with ice.I was placed supine on the padded bench with a wet paper towel on my forehead and a straw in my mouth.«Drink.» When I had overcome my disorientation and extricated myself from the overattentive managers’ gazes, I called my mother.She insisted I call the OB, which I did.

At the OB’s office twenty minutes later, my blood pressure was low, but within normal range.An ultrasound revealed what I already knew, Beowulf was rocking and rolling in his warm little sanctuary, seeming unaffected by his mother’s sudden loss of equilibrium in public.«What’s the verdict, doc?» He shrugged and said quite matter of factly that when the uterus begins to swell, it can put pressure on the vena cava (I didn’t make that up.It’s the main blood vessel that flows from the base of the spine to the brain).Pressure can cut off the circulation momentarily, causing fainting.He said it was all quite common in pregnancy and only occurred in pregnancy.It would resolve itself at birth.I blinked.We still have at least ten weeks until then.Would this happen again?I mean, I’m pretty unfazed by random displays of public embarra*sment, but losing control of my body is one of those things that rates up there with public nudity.It could, was his rea*suring answer.I’d have warning.He suggested when I felt the cold sweat and nauseousness, I sit down as soon as possible.В  I suppose this was an acceptable solution, provided I’m not in line at DisneyWorld or something at the time.

Now this, coupled with the chronic sciatic nerve pain, the carpal tunnel syndrome and the feeling of constant bladder agitation has made me a little leery about meeting Beowulf.My mother has already made the call to the church and will have the priest on hand within an hour after birth for emergency baptism.There is an attitude already in this one that worries me.And as I stared at the linoleum patterned floor of the brightly lit grocery store, I thought about how badly we wanted this baby.«Be careful what you wish for » whispered in my ear.Oh, I know this baby is loved.And regardless of how obstinate and difficult he or she turned out, we’d survive.But I realized just how easy my other pregnancies were and how I took the «normal» for granted.I guess this is just another little Davila who doesn’t like being drug along as Mommy does her grocery runs and wants to let me know in the only way he can.Pinch that blood vessel, that’ll get her attention.

The Ojai Cook Lemonaise Light 12 Oz.